Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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