I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
