and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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