I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
