the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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