Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
