Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
