Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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