True but thats because hes a fetus.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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