How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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