well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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