I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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