Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
