You made me cry and you don't even care
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
