can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
