Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
