you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
