im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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