I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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