so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
