I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
