i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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