My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
