her vagine was all disorganized.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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