did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize