I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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