Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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