Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
