i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
