I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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