Betty ford says i'm here all night
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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