Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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