I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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