Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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