dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
