i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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