seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize