And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
