you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
