i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm eating all of the evidence.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
