Porn is love you can see.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize