Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you will always have a special place in my vag
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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