it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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