there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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