its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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