HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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