Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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