I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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