I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
