I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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