Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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