is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
you never un-have a 4some
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
