her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
