It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
