I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
