I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
