I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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