not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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