Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
