Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
