My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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