How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I am midnight drunk by noon
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
