I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
They took my balls.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
