Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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