you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
