the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
