Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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