lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
