my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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