I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
