he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
