at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
