I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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