This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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