My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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