I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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