I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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