She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
