I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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