WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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